Two friends, Kathy and Tina, are high-school students in a co-ed school. Kathy is shy and slightly socially awkward, she is rather plain in appearance and isn’t very popular in school. Tina, on the other hand, is a dancer and is popular in the school community. Being pretty, she has no problems getting people’s attention and making friends.
Their friendship is somewhat unequal, with Kathy always compromising for Tina. Tina is constantly (and unapologetically) late for appointments and frequently makes last-minute changes to their plans; on a few occasions even ditching her friend in favour of some other activity (like say, a house party she got invited to on the spur of the moment).
Kathy looks up to her popular friend, with an admiration that is nearly fanatical. She takes great pride in the fact that they are friends. Though she does not like the feeling of being ‘taken for granted’ and the fact that Tina does not seem to value her time very much, or even value her as a person, she does not want to do anything to upset Tina or jeopardise their friendship.
Taking on the role of a parent/teacher/sibling/schoolmate/anyone else, how would you advise Kathy to improve the situation through effective communication?
EDITED (punctuation)
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Why Effective Communication Skills are Important to Me
Communication is broadly defined as the transfer of information and ideas between two or more individuals. If you take a moment to think about it, there really isn’t a day that goes by without us utilising at least one communication channel to interact with others; be it in sending messages, receiving them, or both. From jostling with fellow commuters on MRT trains, “excuse me, excuse me!” “OW! You’ve stepped on my foot!” to ordering morning coffee at a hawker centre, “one kopi-xiu-dai, da-pao” greeting friends at school, “hey Jim!” (followed by a slap on the back) greeting one’s professor, “morning, Sir!” (without the slap on the back, for obvious reasons) commenting on someone’s facebook status update, and even decoding this blog post right here. (Thank you so much for stopping by). From the above, it is pretty evident that knowing our audience plays a big role in determining our tone, language used, and even non-verbal cues in communicating.
Being able to communicate effectively is vital. It would be a disaster if all the skilled and talented people in the world were unable to communicate and convey their ideas to others; we would not get anywhere as a global society! Or if messages always got jumbled in transmission and no-one could ever understand what another person meant, we would get into arguments over misunderstandings at every turn! On the flip side, organised-crime wouldn’t be as ‘organised’ and no single government could wage war against another country, simply because they wouldn’t be able to manage their own troops, much less launch an attack. But I digress...
The first two introductory sessions of this course have put specific names on aspects of communication that I’ve taken for granted as being simply intuitive, much like finally matching names to faces that I’ve been seeing around all this while; things like sender-receiver interaction, message encoding and decoding, verbal and non-verbal communication, active listening, and clarifying messages through feedback.
Over the past week, I was volunteering with the YOG medical team during the swimming events held at the Singapore Sports School. Quite naturally, communication played a big part in ensuring coordination and the smooth running of evacuation drills, logistics checks, and the like. Every member of our medical team was issued a walkie-talkie that was connected to a common channel; which meant that everyone could hear you whenever you depressed a “push-to-talk” button on your handset (we were cautioned against accidentally pressing it while in the lavatory...or some other awkward place). This opened up a whole new means of communication –and of error. We all soon found out that using a walkie-talkie isn’t as fool-proof as one might think, it isn't exactly a simplified handphone; one has to follow a specific etiquette to be heard and understood. First off, upon depressing the “push-to-talk” button, you ought to identify yourself and then indicate whom you wish to address (remember, everyone can hear all that is being said and if you don’t specifically address a particular person, no-one will know to whom your message is intended). Only after getting a response from the intended recipient, should one proceed to send the actual message. This would ensure that the recipient is indeed attentive and ready to receive the message at that moment (note: active listening!). After the main message, one has then got to say “over” before releasing the button, to indicate that he or she is done talking...and the message is well, over. Without the visual cues of body language and facial expressions, we had to rely on these verbal cues to know when the speaker had finished. In return, the receiver would have to acknowledge receipt of the message with a “roger that” (note: what an example of feedback!). Failing which, he or she would be prompted by the sender with a “so-and-so, do you copy me?” All the tough soldier-talk picked up from one too many military movies sure came in handy.
Communicating effectively is important to me because it would be torturous to be misunderstood, or simply go unheard, all the time. Communicating lets others inside your psyche, inside your world, so that they can understand you better and get to know you as a person. Quite naturally, it works both ways, allowing you to get to know others as well; fostering mutual respect through understanding. Like it or not, we are being silently judged from the moment we open our mouths to speak. To a large extent our ability (or inability) to communicate effectively reflects on us as individuals; indicating to others certain traits such as how confident, competent or responsible we are.
For communication to be effective, we ought to bear in mind our audience (plus any cultural and/or social barriers that might exist), the requirements of a particular communication setting (which would guide our language and tone), and our non-verbal signals and cues.
I personally feel that communicating effectively is pretty tricky business. There are so many avenues for faux pas, particularly with the various communication channels -most of which do not involve face-to-face contact. Being good at communicating with others, be it in a social or corporate setting, is a truly invaluable skill. One which I am presently in the process of learning.
Alright, that's about it for now. Over.
Being able to communicate effectively is vital. It would be a disaster if all the skilled and talented people in the world were unable to communicate and convey their ideas to others; we would not get anywhere as a global society! Or if messages always got jumbled in transmission and no-one could ever understand what another person meant, we would get into arguments over misunderstandings at every turn! On the flip side, organised-crime wouldn’t be as ‘organised’ and no single government could wage war against another country, simply because they wouldn’t be able to manage their own troops, much less launch an attack. But I digress...
The first two introductory sessions of this course have put specific names on aspects of communication that I’ve taken for granted as being simply intuitive, much like finally matching names to faces that I’ve been seeing around all this while; things like sender-receiver interaction, message encoding and decoding, verbal and non-verbal communication, active listening, and clarifying messages through feedback.
Over the past week, I was volunteering with the YOG medical team during the swimming events held at the Singapore Sports School. Quite naturally, communication played a big part in ensuring coordination and the smooth running of evacuation drills, logistics checks, and the like. Every member of our medical team was issued a walkie-talkie that was connected to a common channel; which meant that everyone could hear you whenever you depressed a “push-to-talk” button on your handset (we were cautioned against accidentally pressing it while in the lavatory...or some other awkward place). This opened up a whole new means of communication –and of error. We all soon found out that using a walkie-talkie isn’t as fool-proof as one might think, it isn't exactly a simplified handphone; one has to follow a specific etiquette to be heard and understood. First off, upon depressing the “push-to-talk” button, you ought to identify yourself and then indicate whom you wish to address (remember, everyone can hear all that is being said and if you don’t specifically address a particular person, no-one will know to whom your message is intended). Only after getting a response from the intended recipient, should one proceed to send the actual message. This would ensure that the recipient is indeed attentive and ready to receive the message at that moment (note: active listening!). After the main message, one has then got to say “over” before releasing the button, to indicate that he or she is done talking...and the message is well, over. Without the visual cues of body language and facial expressions, we had to rely on these verbal cues to know when the speaker had finished. In return, the receiver would have to acknowledge receipt of the message with a “roger that” (note: what an example of feedback!). Failing which, he or she would be prompted by the sender with a “so-and-so, do you copy me?” All the tough soldier-talk picked up from one too many military movies sure came in handy.
Communicating effectively is important to me because it would be torturous to be misunderstood, or simply go unheard, all the time. Communicating lets others inside your psyche, inside your world, so that they can understand you better and get to know you as a person. Quite naturally, it works both ways, allowing you to get to know others as well; fostering mutual respect through understanding. Like it or not, we are being silently judged from the moment we open our mouths to speak. To a large extent our ability (or inability) to communicate effectively reflects on us as individuals; indicating to others certain traits such as how confident, competent or responsible we are.
For communication to be effective, we ought to bear in mind our audience (plus any cultural and/or social barriers that might exist), the requirements of a particular communication setting (which would guide our language and tone), and our non-verbal signals and cues.
I personally feel that communicating effectively is pretty tricky business. There are so many avenues for faux pas, particularly with the various communication channels -most of which do not involve face-to-face contact. Being good at communicating with others, be it in a social or corporate setting, is a truly invaluable skill. One which I am presently in the process of learning.
Alright, that's about it for now. Over.
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